Hello there my friends...

...I am writing this to you all in the midst of yet another CHRISTmas prison. Although not complaining of being punished for my sins,(Lamentations 3:39) I am, it seems more remorseful this particular time. Could be that I have 2 grandsons that I would so love to hug up and muffle up their little boy cheeks...could be that my son has been bereft of his father since he should've been loved up....could be that my sister Patti-Sue wants me out there shoveling snow....or that my bro Denniski could've used my help in that "Sherman House Debacle"...could be that Danny boy...my youngest bro...could've leaned on me as he battles his own addictive woes...or that Big Bro Dave could've used me as his playing partner in a myriad of golf tourneys that we might've either won or had him commit harry-carry on #'s 1thru 18 because of the soothing effect I always had on him. But my friends no matter how it is that I may see myself being in those capacities...fact is I'm not. In double digits for passing holidays, birthdays, weddings, and unfortunately funerals. I press on though because CHRIST whom dwells with me here in this CHRISTmas prison keeps me keeping on. I hope to one day do all those aforementioned things, as well visit the friends who have made this odyssey so much easier to bear: Chuck....Kim...Tara..Sophie the Six...Lisa. Even though it's been so many years since I last laid eyes on my beautiful bride..can't come to the ex part...my hope for Rosemary thrives on. Alyosha, Perseus, and Micaela also are reserved in that heart of hearts where only grandpas and father-in-laws dare tread. I love you all this CHRISTmas season and on through the rest of years diligently spent hoping to assuage grief with the one day seeing of your faces...Praise GOD for HIS WONDERFUL SON....JESUS THE CHRIST..."For unto us this day a CHILD is born...."

....later....dougie boy

Hello there you guys..

..although not sending out a blog about my LORD and SAVIOR JESUS in quite sometime, I still honor HIM in all things good...and a few bad. Because it is GOD who is able to make something good out of the bad on a pretty regular basis. HE'S done so in my life and HE can certainly do it in yours if you only look out for it. It's all around you! I offer up a Happy Thanksgiving Day to you all in hopes that family will gather fro a nice hearty meal and good times for all. Often if I can remember holidays held a certain amount of stress as we tried our best to make them "rightly" celebrated with all the trimmings and fixings of lore. But the facts are these: Just being able to hug up the little ones, the old ones. the middle ones...heck even the inanimate ones..and our very own beloved pets are the right kind of celebratory things which make everyday a veritable gift. Take it from a man who wants to hug something today..but he can't..because prison is so tough that if I make an effort...which those truly knowing me know I will anyway...some might misconstrue it for an other than friendly thing. But boo to those who can't rise above their ideological format and embrace humanity for the very love of it all. So pray for me today and the rest of my languishing as I wend my way about this incarceration spreading the Good News and trying to love up these hardened men who might not realize that a tree needs a hug too...later..

Galatians 6..

dougie boy


                                  HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi you guys!

Just a quick note to let you in on a little known fact....JESUS LIVES!! I am hoping for the best in all your endeavors in life. Even though here in prison, I am happier than most outside this razorwire. Tough to understand unless you know a thing or two about my SAVIOR. I love HIM and you all too! Please let me in on what's what in your lives as I am wanting to see after my friends as JESUS did for us...and died on this GOOD FRIDAY as well. HE lives forever more though so make no mistake about that and come and taste the LIVING WATER...Mark 15 will tell you all about it...

later..

dougie boy

Hi guys!

First I will say that I definitely love you all...

As the New Year approaches our present enjoyment of GOD'S GRACE is apt to be checked by the memory of yesterday's sins and blunders. But GOD is the GOD of our yesterdays, and HE allows the memory of them in order to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual culture for the future..."GOD requireth that which is past." At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that GOD has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise from remembering the yesterdays. Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return (don't I know this right well), but GOD can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of CHRIST. Leave the Irreparable Past in HIS hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with HIM.(Oswald Chambers) Please consider CHRIST this year for all the reasons that you may find yourselves considering so many other things without HIM.

As I truck along in this prison time I have discovered wonderful nuggets of truth that have me always in search of HIS standard for my life. I miss many things from the outside world, but mostly I miss the missed opportunities to be with loved ones...and hey that's a lot of misses in that sentence! Be free enough to laugh at yourself this year my friends because after all I'm locked up enough for all of us..and HE brings me daily joy...sometimes....often even...in hearty laughter at my own ridiculousness. Ain't HE cool like that for you?

Isaiah 30 will be a good read today if you will take the time to see what's in it for you from our LORD and SAVIOR..JESUS the CHRIST..

later...

dougie boy

Tragedy as part of us...

...it's not necessarily a staple of our lives, yet it occurs more often than we'd like. As I was reading the USA Today about the account of the Connecticut shooting it was, as I'm sure with most, a heart wrenching thing. Especially when I was able to see all the little faces, brief character traits, and their likes associated with  names in what amounts to an attempt to paint gentleness where we already knew it existed, rambunctious youngsters and quiet ones, dancing and running the gamut of childhood dreams in playgrounds now so ethereal to the parents of slain tots. I grieve as do many other men here.Our prayer request box from which I get a third of to pray over weekly, were filled with almost exclusive petitions for those families affected. Although we reside with the brutal terror of prison life, some things are even unacceptable to us. We wouldn't mind spending time with the ilk that we do, but men who hurt children we've no stomach for. Still the CHRIST card will get pulled on me in my prayers and I am compelled to pray from places I don't yearn to see reconciliation take its honor upon. And then I ask as the song from Cast Casting Crowns tells me "Who Am I?"

 A strong irony took up residency when I received a CHRISTmas card from Tara and her husband Paul with all their youngsters' vibrancy splayed across it so real and touching. As I was able to read what Honor, Conner, Arianna, and Samuel were up to as of late, it drove home how fragile this little family is. Because right next to me were the names  of those other children...close to the exact age as these guys I was looking at....one in a ballet tutu and giving it her all...one holding a kitten...one a little chick...and Samuel was just smiling away as if their were no tomorrow....for those others there wasn't. A solemnity that reassures me the import of training our children well.(Proverbs 22:6) I can't thank Tara and Paul enough for helping me from the abysmal of sorrow that tanks me almost daily anyway after realizing double digits spent in CRISTmas prisons.

I was telling my cellie the other day that prison was really kicking my...you know the rest. I am thankful today for the grandchildren I've yet to see. My son wrote more of a compelling email the other day expressing his anger toward me not being in his life as well the lives of his endearing new family. He even went as far to say he has not been a good son to me because he forgot that I, too, have pain. Yet I could not for the life in me understand how he finds fault with himself. I own the onus of the bereftness there. Once again as he began letting me know that he is having a reawakening of CHRIST, then it began to clear up some what...only GOD can make that which is crooked straight...i.e...me..his dad...his children's granddada...his Mom's husband...(she says ex I say next...).I'm grateful today, a few days from CHRISTmas to be able to reach out to you guys. I was telling my son in response to his email that over the years I have wanted many folks to reach out to me...letters...phone calls...visits...emails...skywriting...smoke signals...yet when I got his message, the veracity of it was more welcomed than all the folks I could ever want to hear from. Especially the part of his reawakening to JESUS...I pray for all who read this to consider the same for yours and yours'.

I love you all with that agape from which as David, my son tells me, could not have written the words he did to me. Please pass on the TRUTH about JESUS to others while there is still breath upon, and in each of us. For it is GOD who deals us these measures of time. We know not when it may abruptly end.

...later...dougie boy...

Luke 2 for you...for me

Hi Guys...

From jump street I need to say that we have had our share of troubles in prison recently. A few "mini-riots" that could only be called thus if you were no where near the violence. Lockdowns galore! But still I'm not deterred to spread the WORD of the GOSPEL of JESUS CHRIST.

In Brandon Heath's song "Give Me Your Eyes", he sings how he wants GOD'S eyes to see, feel, and have similar compassion as HE on the brokenhearted...arms to reach those who are out of his reach. A compelling telling of what the true "great commission" incurs upon us who do desire this. I sat at chow the other day with a man who had all his teeth knocked out with a lock in a sock..a preferred weapon amongst those wishing to inflict such damage as to permanently afflict. I want to buddy up to him so he can see my truth as a CHRISTian doesn't include those wanting to avoid him because he now looks bad. Since this guy was a co-worker of mine a few years ago it isn't hard to actually have an interest in his troubles. I'm no Dietrich Bonhoeffer who within the tyranny of the Nazi rule gave up his life to go back to his fellow peoples to spread the "WORD". "When CHRIST calls a man, he bids him come and die". Garnered from his awesome book "The Cost of Discipleship".

As we start to communicate (remember he just recently lost all his teeth....not two or three..all of them. So he can't quite form certain sounds due to this newly found speech impediment.), frustration set in early for him...then me. In the back of my mind I made a mental note to make sure I either: 1)Come up with conversations that won't include him having to form these particular tough words....2)Avoid him....cuz how on earth can I figure out what sounds may or may not be needed for him to express himself! 

Of course there comes the third and very unpopular idea to just endure...mmm. WWJD? Would it be sin to capitulate to my proclivity of having those around me that are like me...viz..communicate with a robust mouthful? The grand mischief that sin does to man is this: It wars against the soul; it destroys the moral liberty of the soul; it weakens and debilitates the soul by impairing its faculties; it robs the soul of its comfort and peace; it debases and destroys the dignity of the soul, hinders its present prosperity, and plunges it into everlasting misery. "But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty"(Corinthians 4:2) Renounce it as soon as it springs up; renounce the whole thing until there is no hidden thing of dishonesty or craftiness about you. "Not walking in craftiness", that is, resorting to what will carry your point.

This a great snare. Others are doing things which to you would be walking in craftiness, but it may not be so with them: GOD has given you another standpoint. Many have gone back because they are afraid of looking at things from GOD'S standpoint. The great crisis comes spiritually when a man has to emerge a bit farther on than the creed he has accepted. In his book "Radical," David Platt professes how America is missing the true GOSPEL by settling into a type of complacency that doesn't really preach JESUS. "The gospel demands and enables us to turn from our sin, and to take up our cross, to die to ourselves, and to follow JESUS. These are the terms and phrases we see in the BIBLE. And salvation now consists of a deep wrestling in our souls with the sinfulness of our hearts, the depth of our depravity, and the desperation of our need for HIS GRACE. JESUS is no longer one to be accepted or invited in but one who is infinitely worthy of our immediate and total surrender". That ought to sum up what most of us are missing...total surrender is not something we Americans are geared up for.

Better discover this now than later though. Because many who are religious with only their Sunday quota fill will find themselves cast out..that insufferable weeping and all that gnashing. I implore you whom call yourselves CHRISTians..search now and truly believe in what is the calling in your life. Then act on it as if there is no tomorrow...because there may not be for this earth as we know it.

I love you all with prayers in an intensity that HE knows is from my heart ...

later...
dougie boy

Hi my friends...

..on Hebrews 9:23-28

CHRIST'S sacrifice, though offered upon earth, was by HIMSELF carried up into heaven, and is there presented in a way (THE WAY) of daily intercession-for HE appears in the presence of GOD for us. HE has gone to heaven not only to enjoy HIS first estate and receive the honor due HIM, but to appear in the presence of GOD for us, to present our persons and our performances, to answer and rebuke our adversary and accuser, to secure our interests...an indemnity if you will...acting as such because our sins with the sacrifices of bulls and rams were always inexpiable(I'm studying "i" words today) to the full extent or opposite that for which CHRIST, the TRUE oblation by virtue of the hypostatical union...the blood of GOD...carried our burden in such infinite value.

Working into this fact that we all must die once, or at least undergo a change equivalent to death. It is an awful thing to die we must confess..to have the vital knot loosed or cut asunder, all relations dropped at once, an end if you will to our probation  and preparation state..and we should get ready for it. For it is an indomitable (told you about the"i"s) fact the we are going to enter another world once leaving this. You all know this...deep inside where secular reason can't match GOD'S innateness that HE'S given us all.

It is appointed to men that after death they shall all come to judgment. It is the distinguishing character of true believers that they are looking for CHRIST...THE CAPTAIN of my soul..me dougie boy....we look to HIM in every duty, in every ordinance, in every providence now not later when we think we have time. We expect HIS SECOND COMING and are(I hope and pray) preparing for it...the parable of the ten virgins are good examples. And though it will be sudden destruction to the rest of the world, who scoff at the report of it...(i.e. this is one) it will be eternal salvation to those who look for it.

I love you all in ways from which my prayers are ordered. I know most I write to are saved..those who are not I implore with as much is in me in this reaching out to seek JESUS while HE may be found...PSALM 27...

later...dougie boy

Prayers From Prison...

Hello my friends-

I'm sitting in my prison cell thinking and praying for you guys-not to sound sanctimonious-mainly because sin can accompany me frequently most days. As a matter of fact thanks to my lovely sister (Pattie Sue) I do get some magazines: Golf Digest/Sports Illustrated/ESPN: The Magazine/Nate Geo/TIME and thank to my little bro (Denniski) I was able to procure a running special on the USA today. Needless to say the advert of the zines coming my way makes me popular to men whom believe me to be an anathema because I ain't got no gang affiliations, tattoos, drinks hooch or engage in the sex porno slave trade market going on in the this camp. Which can easily enrapture one's thoughts, actions and daily rituals.

Yesterday I got ESPN'S the Magazine's "THE BODY ISSUE." As soon as I had it in my grubby hands-Out Damn Spot! I couldn't wait to see all the naked women athletes-especially under the guise: "Well I certainly can look and "appreciate" how these women take care of them fine, trim, curvaceous, sexy, beautiful...about 42 seconds into the first gaze, (Job 31: "I have made a covenant with my eyes: why then should I look upon a young woman?") I wanted to hide in my cell and join the crowd of those involved with the perversion of masturbation. Now of course you may think: How disgusting! Yeah, me too. After witnessing for a decade now against dastardly acts such as this, it still can rise up (not punny) and encroach on my walk-mostly because Jesus taught that "the eyes are the windows to the soul," and again as Proverbs instructs me in the matriculation of my Christianity that the "...eyes of man are never satisfied," so it is when I fully engage pornography-which although arguments of such a "beautiful display" of athleticism will lend full assurance to how duped secular society has become inured to the gelid fact that we've like sheep have gone astray within the freezing cold that warms us none.

You know I belong to a small group of men -(there are 4 of us)- we gather each Sunday after church to go through the prayer box which sits out in full access to all prisoners. I want to share with you all some of these incredibly heart wrenching and sometimes selfish, selfless petitions; which further aids me to know that help is needed via strong Christ-like men here-out there-everywhere. I'll keep them anonymous-most of them are-God knows because for most of these guys God calls them his own-"and I trade treasure, I trade fame, just to hear you call my name-I've been touched by you and I will never be the same." Here are some of them:

"Father I pray for your help-I don't want to go on without seeing my kids."

"Jesus please keep my from hurting people"

"A hedge of protection over the judge and jury that sentenced me to life-I forgive them."

"Help me escape."

"Save my cellie, whose Muslim but a good dude."

"I pray for salvation for my parents who are Pagan."

"Teach my hands to war Lord if there is another riot-I don't want to get raped again."

"When I get out, keep me from vengeance on those who snitched on me."

"Give me a way to sneak tobacco in here through visitation-I'm dying for a smoke!"

"For my two children that I've not seen or heard from in 15 years."

"Keep my anger from killing again."

"I pray that the FBI doesn't find out about those "other" things."

"I hope the Steelers win the Super Bowl."

"I want my bother safe over in Afghanistan."

"For early release-like today."

"I'm tired Father- 27 years in here-can You help me?"

"All my family has deserted me-who else but You? Thank you Lord."

"My boy was shot and killed by a man who snitched on me to stay on the streets-how do I cope Lord?"

And even more compelling:
"Father, the man who raped my wife just came to this compound. I'm planning bad things-forgive me.

Okay my fried this outta fill some prayer time for you if inclined to stand in the gap as Ezekiel 22:30 asks of us. The Rolling Stones have a song: "Beast of Burden" it laments that..."I'll never be your beast of burden." Yet that's what we're called to do. That prayer list aforementioned in some of it's wicked intent I am capable of carrying out-from the worst of it to the praise form it. And so I put away my measuring rod that I have for many that are not of my ilk...of my religiosity...of my "churchianity"...and offer up the petitions of the prisoner. I need help here for it all- so I ask you to pray that the Lord of the Harvest give the heart away to seek God's favor, mercy, and above all forgiveness and love for each of us.

I love you guys....thanks...later...dougie boy

Hello there my friends...

...again I must say that it's been a while for real this time.

Many things have transpired since I last blogged out to you all. A friend died in his cell...a horrible way to go. Alone fighting for breath as the machinations of prison took its toll by a life's ransom. But I did share JESUS with him as frequently as I could, yet maybe not as much as was possible.

It got me thinking on the crucifixion of my LORD and SAVIOR....and since Easter was coming at the time, clearing out the horizon of death's exacting revenge, I had to ponder on life eternal offered to all. Attendance upon WHOM was cast all our sins. It's funny in a strange way how what is deemed a work of time in our society at large, that JESUS was brought before the chief priests at the break of day (Luke 22:66), after that to Pilate, then to Herod, then to Pilate again; and here there seems to have been a long struggle between Pilate and the people about HIM. Are you too in that area, or domain of preponderance? HE was scourged, and crowned with thorns and contumeliously used, and all this was done in 4 or 5 hours..six at the most for HE was crucified between 9 and 12. Never anyone was chased out of the world as CHRIST. No stays in a due process carried forth with such vehemence and alacrity that it puts to port all embattled ships of justice that harbor ill will towards the cry of look how wrongly I've been treated.

In the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verse 19 it speaks to me of the validity behind when HE walked, what HE did, and how HE still lives...."If in this life only we have hope in CHRIST, we are of all men the most pitiable (miserable in some texts). So please, you must understand that even though imprisoned for quite sometime now I am not miserable, but joyful even to the point of my sister's profession that I am a goober...a happy goober for I possess what all can: life eternal because of JESUS' enduring love for us...for me...for you.

Hopefully I will embark on keeping better updates with you guys. Softball season has kicked off and the amount of material to write about is prolific to say the least. I was hit by a line drive the other day...it black and blued about 2 square feet on my lower torso. I had a glove, but I was pitching batting practice and I had three balls in it..dorky me...but I play on! Okay my friends..I love you all tremendously from afar with prayers and fastings for you and your families...oh gosh I almost sound like Paul...I can think of worse things to be...

Check out Amos 4:12 and Hebrews 9:27

...later...dougie boy

Good day to you guys...

...just wanted to let everyone know that JESUS loves you and so do I and there's nothing you all can do about it!

I know things are extremely tight out there with the economy..I pray that since GOD always provides a WAY, that reaching for it becomes our priority. Sometimes I've discovered a lack of provision is a provision in and of itself.

I woke in my cell late (or should I say early morn, at 2:45...so yeah, let's say early morn...the amount of education in here!)....anyway I stared out from my bunk almost 10 years deep in my contrition looking at my cell block number. I was reminded of a time (although constrained now within 80 or so square feet and another man three feet from me) of when I was out there running and gunning on the mean streets. Shot and bee lining it to the emergency room hoping to GOD that I don't bleed to death, homeless and cold seeking any form of warmth...even the cardboard in the woods and under the bridges to stave off the cold...jumped by a gang of well..gangsters...a gaggle of them that's gotta be the new catch phrase...and the worst feeling of it all...nay I say (who talks like this?) the granddaddy of emotional distraught, loneliness...a darkness that could be felt.

So I must concur with some who profess that they weren't arrested, but rescued. As a tear leaked out and I brazenly sucked it up to brave my punishment for my sins, I had the stark understanding that GOD truly loves me. And it's as tough a call to make late in the life of myself yearning to hold my newly birthed yet not seen nor held grandchildren, as it is for those of you not recognizing the very real providence of GOD as HE places some life upon the POTTER'S WHEEL shaping and fashioning it according to HIS PURPOSE.

I so dearly miss my little boy...Dojo..who in spite of his old man is revering a lifestyle replete with the chivalry that has yet to die in a man's challenge for goodness in a world fraught with despair of epic proportions. And my wife...Rosemary whom I've refused to call that accursed "ex" word so flippantly strewn about for common causes from which struggle was too much to endure. It is through better or worse that I've drug her through, yet now in the precipice of the autumnal...so they say (whoever that estranged group of folk are) part of my life, she's come full circle to banter with me over the cyber lines of a tethered and tenuous umbilical commonality, to offer up solace from whence (there I go again) she'll not realize, gains chuckles and smiles in a place bereft of this all important character bounty that reigns in the hearts of those who never give up. I'm grateful to a GOD who can do all that I can not...

Praise HIS HOLY NAME!

...later...

dougie boy

Hello my friends...

..it has been a while as you may know how that song goes. But I've been thinking always on you all. Last night was an unusual night for me and my cellie...of course a few of you know that I speak of the man residing three feet from me. The term familiarity breeds contempt flourishes in such dire circumstances as these imprisoned walls and cells can wrought upon a man seeking a different way...or THE WAY.

It started out as a normal lock the cell doors at 10 pm kinda night, but quickly regressed into an argument about whether one of the two of us turned off the radio, moved the radio, had any relation with the radio from which we enjoy comfort and solace through the advent of NPR and an eclectic taste ranging from oldies...(don't ask...) to some hip hop...opera....talk shows..Los Lobos last night. Anyway I swore that I got up at 4:30 am to turn it off (batteries don't you know) and Sam says that he did something to it (moved it...turned it off...etc.) well I wasn't going to give one inch up there because this is a REALLY important issue! And being the older man by 25 years, I had to be right. During the course of our heated discussion (on my part anyway...he has this excruciating habit of remaining calm--ever since I've known him as a matter of fact--how irritating is that!?! I mean throw out some form of engagement other than this quietness!) But I knew I could show him how to get the props I deserved. As I tried to search my mind of the previous evening's activities (did I get up to turn the radio off? Or like he insinuated was he defense- that he must've been hallucinating..said with a placidness that shames the lake's namesake...okay you want to play it rough then huh?) So I went way back into my worldly self and dropped the one argumentative ploy that would rile his feathers for real. I mean once he threw at me that he was just being logical--that was the hay...the straw if you will--and out it came: The "F" bomb. I said with the true vehemence wrought from years of actual arguing within the ranks of military folk, "you can stuff your f------ logic!" Yeah! Take that mister serenity. And of course I need to add that rarely has anyone heard me use profanity of such acquired ilk as to belong to the prison populace at large, so I knew I had him then. And then he looks at me--all the while he's been calmly (go figure) folding his laundry, and laughs--not uproarishly...rarely has that ever happened, but almost as a chuckle...and this had an effect on me that I can't quite explain. After all I'm a CHRISTian dammit!

So today I wanted to share some of this lesson plan that GOD brought to me via this altercation...albeit one-sided thanks to Sam, but still friendships are so rare on earth. It means identity in thought and heart and spirit.

There is a great deal of sin devised and designed that is never executed. As bad as things are in the world they are not so bad as the devil and wicked men would have them. The FBI just changed the law defining rape to include a broader use that brings men with men into the picture (see Romans 1)..shoot... we of such long time prison lore know all about this. It is GOD that restrains men from doing the ill (such a nice word don't you think?) that they would do (see Genesis 20:6). It is not from HIM that there is sin but is from HIM that there is not more sin, either by HIS influence upon men's minds, or by HIS providence taking away the opportunity to sin...hence some incarceration. In Romans 12:2 there is a stark reminder of how we ought to be..."be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind". See to it that there be a saving change wrought in you, and that it be carried on. "Be not conformed to this world..." me syschematizesthe"..do not fashion yourselves as it means. Those are best able to prove what is the good, and acceptable and perfect will of GOD, who are transformed by the renewing of their mind. The sweet smelling savor- serving the LORD...that is, improving your opportunities and making the best of them..(see my recent example)..complying with the present seasons of grace. Worship is giving GOD the best that HE has given you. If you hoard a thing for yourself it will turn to a type of spiritual rot, as the manna did when it was hoarded. Some of us receive HIS blessings and know HIS WORD, but do we really know HIM? Genesis 18:3...my LORD if I have now found favor in your sight, do not pass on by your servant. Like the song..."Pass me not oh GENTLE SAVIOR...hear my humble cry....while on others THOU art calling...do not pass me.....by....

with all my love to all that is yours...

...later

dougie boy

Merry Christmas!!!!

I want to tell you guys that JESUS saved me from me...it's not too sad waking up in prison on this wonderful morning that we celebrate the ONE and ONLY by which all might be saved....THE CHRIST....I love you guys...you know Luke 2..good tidings....good will toward men/women /children...the pets too!...later...dougie boy

Hello out there...

...I have been out of pockets in sort of a peculiar fashion. In searching for reasons for my discontent I come back to me..."Surely after my turning, I repented; and after I was instructed, I struck myself on the thigh...(all about the head and shoulders in my case too!)...I was ashamed, yes, even humiliated, because I bore the reproach of my youth." Jeremiah 31:19 delivers such a stark realization of my plight..and fight. When sinners come to a right and sure knowledge they will find the right and sure way. Sinners could become saints if they would but show themselves men...Isaiah 46:8...if they would but support the dignity of their nature and use aright its powers and capacities. "But on this one will I look on: On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at my word." Trust me here friends when I say to you that GOD brings fears by making our sins our punishments--beating us with our own rods when we at first hurried to ruin by wroughting out delusional behaviors which we should of been afraid of yet thought to escape via sinful shifts in carnal desire. You can tell where a man is going in the hereafter by what is going after here--my prison time and experience is the mentor of all this. Ponderibus librata suis- Poised by its own weight.

Praise HIS name though! "Fear thou not....neither be dismayed." GOD'S servants must not give way to disquieting fears and difficulties before them. They must not sorrow as those who have no hope for the troubles which they presently lie under. If you look to the world for help soon it will fail. Either through a societal boredom, death of such a one, or the advent of something more appealing than aiding the suffrage of any. (Who talks like this?..me!) Carnal confidences fail. Creatures created are physicians of no value. Be the disease ever so dangerous, the patient is safe if GOD undertakes the cure. JESUS is like that!

Lately I have been coming to the computer fully expecting a plethora of messages from all whom I stay in regular contact..but alas! To my dismay little have been the electronic missives from which I derive semblance of normalcy in this razorwire land. Not to fault those maintaining relations. After all they have families and bills and work..and just a general life to speak of. But me? I got this standstill existence--a groundhog day life from which even the littlest communique tossed my way will send me head over heels and agog with the thought that someone cares. And don't get me wrong, I have carved this nefarious niche to which I owe my prison stay, so I can say with much aplomb that gratefulness is my posture of need when I do get to hear from you all. I don't write these blogs to garner response (though that'd be neat if they did), the folks that do send me their e-mails are in my history book of learning, for it is they who visit me in my most dire downtime. A special thanks to Patti-Sue...Tara..Sophie the Six...Kim...all women....that's who JESUS appeared to first after HE was resurrected. "Quit ye like men be strong"...the Scriptures tell me...my son Dojo does this passage justice..a real man that I was not...way to go David..I pray for all you guys..I'm here willing to reach out and discourse on whatever crosses your beaten path...or just "Crosses....the one less chosen has taken me years to hack away the foliage fraught with a rectitude of self and not the reliance of CHRIST...it is there where I do find true comfort...it is there where HE sends me friends to talk to like this.

...thanks for listening.

...later...dougie boy

I pray for...

..an hegira from this place of prison. Over these years of incarceration I have been privy to all licentiousness that man can invent within the confines of a desperately wicked heart. Jeremiah tells of this at length in his prophecy. Even the example of Lot who/whom (you make the call) for not wanting the men to sodomize his guests, offered up his daughters as a stave to protect the men who were sent by GOD to direct him to safety. What a paradox we have here. Still though it bespeaks (who talks like this?) volumes about how bad company corrupts good manners. Homo Homini Lupus (no play on words intended) "Man is a wolf to man". To traduce further the company I have been keeping these years (to include myself at times) although the inculcation should extrapolate those infringed by such wanton hardship from that road of hard knocks, still we keep coming back..."as a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool to his folly"...so Proverbs own pedagogy lays out for those wanting to be exercised by it.

There are those who are so dastardly as I dare not come near..I can't say miles because proximity is the business that rules us prison folk, but I can run athwart of dirty deeds done dirt cheap by circumspect of a different ilk learned through diligence of study in HIS WORD. "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" Amos 3:3. Where there is no friendship there can be no fellowship; if two persons be at variance, they must accommodate the matters between them before there can be any interchanging of good offices. It's true being straightened out is painful, and often times lengthy, but being left crooked will ultimately hurt even more.

As I sit here writing this there are no less than 100 men not but a Buick's throw away...as I said "proximity" at its most perilous precaution. Tomorrow in retrospect of our last September's riot the gang responsible, which have been in protective custody since then, are going to be let back out on the compound. I can't wait! Agog I tell ya! For some strange reason the BOP believes either one of two things (both of which are bad): that the gang in question although entrenched (dare I say mired) in its belief system that all whom are not of their ilk, and display a proclivity of such ludicrous denouncement must suffer the brunt of like activity that got them hemmed up September last. They are assuming a "peace treaty" has been struck with the other rivals, and it'll be just peachy-keen when they release the "Cracken". Silly BOP! Violence is for inmates...tricks are for manipulation. It may not be right away--biding time is a pastime of all denizens in a prison proper. Hopefully I will a great distance from it when it does jump off. I've seen my share of murders, maimings, stabbings, and pummelings to last several lifetimes. They have already told us that we will be locked down for a least two days in order to properly assimilate the bangers back into population.

To me gangs of any fashion are mostly rife with cowards. Strength in numbers as the saying flies about here as if a locked up lottery bin will get an edge come fisticuffs. But in this place shanks prevail even though guards do their level best to discover all the nooks and crannies. But they just work here...we live it out day to day. So I dare to take up the CROSS of CHRIST and discharge my duty to HIM less I run with the desperation of malice into all manner of abominable wickedness. Mainly because I know the punishment for those unwilling to accept THE TRUTH...an eternity to always be dying. Thus the misery of the damned will illustrate the blessedness of the saved, and the blessedness of the saved will aggravate the misery of those that are damned. But my friends it is the charitable heart not the voluble tongue that is acceptable with GOD. Both ends of the spectrum, be they minions of gangland warfare, or saintly crusaders for the lost, have a tractableness that is assuaged by our alliance to what motors our boat in a sea of malfeasance. I can't help but see Scripture that beckons me to a Holy lifestyle. "Sure," my family and friends may say, "now he wants to do right!" It's true though...wisdom is learned through much grief and suffering. I want my holiness to not just be merely external and in outward fashion, so as to prevent blame from men (in some cases incur it), but I need it to be internal and real.

On one of Paul's epistles from prison some have observed that what this apostle wrote when he was a prisoner had the greatest relish and savour in it of the things of GOD. When tribulations abound, consolations and experiences did much more abound. So we may see that the afflictive exercises of GOD'S people, and particularly of HIS ministers, often tend to the advantage of others as well as to their own.

Okay my friends (I love to call all you guys that...even though the Red Sox didn't make it to the play-offs..haha) reaching to you all in this way lifts me in an unspeakable joy that CHRIST has reserved for me. Thanks for listening! Always here...if you write back and you don't hear from me for a minute, remember: the cracken thing could confine me in my cell, but my mind roams about in prayer for all...

James 5:16

...later...dougie boy

Thoughts on Things...

..yesterday I came back from the second game of the championship best two out of three series in softball here in prison. We were battling back from the loser's bracket..been there, got the shirt..and stripes...we won. Which leaves us to fight another day for the season's coveted convict appellate of being the best here where none of us has been that. So needless to say in an effort to make a name for yourself where the sea of anonymity washes about here with mordant lubricity, you really strive for some sports notoriety. The other stuff we're experts at being notorious for.

Well...Sam and I have been cellies (rooming together) for over three years now, and the journey has been fraught with enduring riots, standstill happenstances, and just your basic prison nomenclature from which some derive their knowledge from the media, magazines or the menace we caused. Cell changes are probably the worst thing one endures here after being ensconced for a decade...hate even being able to come close to comprehending that. As I walked up the unit steps the turnkey (guard of housing unit) tells me that we have a new cellie. He furthers this with a type of admonishment that will soon be fully felt as I enter the domicile from which I hale as a solitary Christian man fighting the good fight..

Sure you must think: Jail-house Billy Graham here (that's cool..it's a big boat), but the true Christian saint walks alone--JESUS preached it so, and I see it in here up close and personal...frequently. "If I say 'my foot slips,' YOUR mercy will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, YOUR comforts delight my soul."(Psalm 94).

The guard tells me in that conspiratorial whisper reserved for those who want to tell of secrets others have, that Sam and I's new cellie is a scared one, and that I might need to show him the ropes--"hopefully," he says "the man isn't up there using these to hang himself," he retorts...expecting some witty repartee from me. Compassion is not lost here, it's just hiding out in the form of malice. As I enter the unit no less than 100 men turn my way to see it's me; and exactly how I'm going to handle the new cellie situation. Which of course gives me that pause convicts are known for  that says something's going on to which I am fixing to find out about proper. They've been in here talking it up; some disguising their true feelings towards the likes of me and others whom aren't affiliated with the ilk of ill-reputed gangland garbage which is just a playground philandering of their little minds stuck on stupid (arrested development has got nothing on these Neanderthals). I immediately sense the waywardness of it. I too, have been stuck on imbecilic meanderings.

Walking in the direction of my cell. I contemplate a few things...one being that Sam always misses out on these initial deals. What does he know that I don't? His spidey sense must be more acute than mine. The other that perhaps it's a black man they put in our cell (Heaven forbid!)...or a sureno...or an ms13...or blood...or crip...or white supremacist...or, if worse comes to worse, another CHRISTian! How is Gonier gonna act? Let's lie in wait to see. "Our secret sins... in the light of YOUR countenance." Those which go no further than the heart, and which are at the bottom of all the overt acts.

See the folly of those who go about to cover their sins, for they cannot do so. "It is often the case that the paradoxes that so typified JESUS' teaching are expansive, complex, and nuanced...if you'll allow me that. It requires mulling and wrestling, it forces huge shifts in paradigm and eventually, practice." Culled from Carolyn Arends' "Wrestling with Angels". I mixed it up a bit...what else is new?

Okay back to the cell dilemma. As I walked into my cell shedding the chameleon eyes upon me, I see what all the kerfuffle is about. Standing before me after he had to use the toilet because he's been on a Bureau of Prison bus all day to get to this mountain top, was a man that fit perfectly into the pre-conceived appearance of the most hated of all prisoners...a child molester. A deep breath explodes out of me as a kind of gag reflex, which I immediately regret because here before me is a truly hurting soul, that may have committed heinous things beyond my understanding, and I'm okay with the hundreds of men outside my cell door that are robbers, murderers, gang-bangers...even extortionists. But this type of prisoner is what other types of prisoners are horrified at. So you take the dregs (that'd be me) of our look-orientated society and you pit them against you. There is no chance you can survive (literally) in this place with that jacket welded to your flesh. And all those men outside my cell want to see what I plan on doing about it.

Friggin' Sam! Always ducking these fun-filled adventures.

The status-quo of these ill-fated liaisons is vetted out by discovering if the man is in here for that crime. Just because he looks the part doesn't mean he's done the part. I've met men whom I've conversed with for quite sometime before discovering that they shot three people in a mall, killed a whole family, raped countless numbers of women, sold meth to grade schoolers, engaged in human slavery... all these things are okay though, but this guy here in front of me just won't do.

He reaches out his hand to me to introduce himself as if I am the keeper of the Holy Grail. He is desperate for acceptance...this in and of itself is not the clincher for labeling him with the umbrage of convicts everywhere, but it's a start, so they say. The psychology of inmates goes well beyond AA, into the confines of the mind where platitudes of glory are handed out for the gory. I feign dirty hands from the softball game (which is partially accurate, at least I want it to be that) in order not to familiarize myself too quickly. After all, 100 men are waiting... I'm in a state here now because I am a CHRISTian and a tortured and tormented soul is before me.

I spend about five minutes getting my shower stuff together. I put to him about his crime...usually most proffer this as rite of passage into the prison lore of badness. Most lie as much as this guy is fixing to do. He tells me he's here because of "drugs"--only it isn't so much a statement as it is a trying out period for him...on me. Kinda like "drugs?" I think I am the first person he's giving it a go on, given these instructions by his lawyer to lie (imagine that) because they too, know what treatment he is headed for in here...a meanness he wishes he could equate to those children he hurt, but it's a rougher go...strapped over a 55 gallon drum..hands tied to feet...you get the ugliness I'm sure.

His try fell on my deaf ears as I think for the quickened time when I wanted my sins washed away too. I leave him wallowing in that questionable state that strikes fear in him because as I exit the cell, the 200 eyes firmly affixed on Gonier, he beelines straight to the guard to ask for political asylum. The "proteco" of the inmate's social standing...protective custody. In the shower I am defeated in a way I can't quite explain. Ineffable to the max. Why couldn't I witness with some brief kindness about the love of CHRIST I so often tout about to the judgmental bastards herein? Was self-preservation that tantamount to my very existence here?

It was then (and maybe again) GOD gave me strength as I wept silently in the shower stall..spilling my tears with the water that was washing away the dirt from the hands I didn't want to welcome him with. "Out damn spot!" "For HE is coming to judge the earth....and the peoples with equity."(Psalm 98:9) It's even difficult for me to use Scripture right now...how convicting of a work is that by the HOLY GHOST? 

As I exited the shower that man was being escorted out of the unit to protective custody. And the other men were giving me their stained looks of approval: Way to make him check in Gonier...Good job...No chomos (short for child molesters). Never have I felt so sleighted in my walk with my LORD. Because it wasn't a good job by a long shot..and so those who persist in a sinful life sufficiently demonstrate that they are not born of GOD. Is that me? The Scripture tells me to examine myself daily...and so I did...weighed in the balance and found wanting. Hind and quartered by that sanctimonious behavior that excels other sins well and far above what mine are all about. True CHRISTianity establishes that which is of common concern to all mankind, and is not built upon such narrow opinions and private interests as sects commonly owe their origin to. The regenerate person is happily disabled for sin. There is a restraint, an embargo, if you will, laid upon his sinning powers. It goes against him sedately and deliberately to sin. "You who love the LORD, hate evil"(Psalm 97:10)

Well my friends I had a go of it all here as of late. The victory on the softball field paled in comparison to my failing attempt at true agape as was, and is bestowed on me by JESUS. Hopefully if given another chance and I'm certain I will, perhaps I'll handle it differently. I love you guys...love me too...please...

later...dougie boy

...and pray I ask for that man. I didn't at first and the taste still resonating in my mouth the day after is sour.

"Jiam nova progenies coelo demittitur alto, te duce, si qua manent sceleris vestigia nostri, irrita perpetua formidine terras aspice, venturo laetentur ut omnia saeclo."

"A new race descends from the lofty sky, thy influence shall efface every stain of corruption, and free the world from alarm, see how this promised age makes all rejoice."

It has been...

..a definite while since my last blog. I was wondering as in writer's block, if a type of "blogblock" exists. If so, then I've picked up the virtualness of such a thing recently.

Many things to write on my friends, and where to begin is the troubling spot. One of our APAP men was beat up pretty badly yesterday. He was involved in unsavory things (get out of town..in here?). Although I tried with desperation to warn him repeatedly of the lie down with dogs get fleas axiom of such  predictable anathema in here, still, like me...(it's important to remember but for the grace of GOD go I) he has to find out where that school of hard knocks firmly holds counsel. And found out he did.

Gambling is a pernicious addiction that can create a whole new genre of rationalizing to those unsuspecting of its gambit. Laying the footwork within the foundation of lies. One never knows that the worst thing that besets a gambler is winning. Then illusions of grandeur build that mendacious house of cards from whence the wind will blow it down with such a gentle breeze..instead for me now.."A mighty fortress is our GOD". The most heinous of crimes I ever commited was in Las Vegas (just going there is a felony). I won't get into the machinations of it because I told my sister of it one day, and she didn't talk to me for six months.

Oftentimes men in here will go about purporting how "good" they were at being or doing bad. I now point out the oxymoronicness of such..well...moronness..many think I have gone the route of senility. You can never be good at doing something bad. Still I must say in efforts to thwart wrong doing in my life, the evidence that demands a verdict is thusly put in apropos which tells us that ...Lot was sorely vexed by the behaviors surrounding him..(paraphrasing the book of Peter)...when in the throes of besetting sinful actions on a daily basis, it is a tough call to remain faithful to one's walk with our SAVIOR JESUS. Impossible? No. But when pornography/gambling/violence/deceit, is not only thrust at you all over this place (including the myriad avenues it travels over the six flat screen televisions we got) then lusting, as well the accroutrements that follow suit to this, and all disrobing fleshly assault to the senses, it is a full-time battle. Should there be anything less though? I think not.."For in this world you will have tribulation." The warfare of spiritual fidelity is all in with its benefits giving sway to remaining in HIM at all costs.

To a chase of a different sort....softball season is in all its regalia here. I wish I could send off snippets of the antics that take place out on the field. Short stories abound! I hope to capture some of the hilarity, as well the heinous, of what can happen in a day's play on the diamond. Above and beyond I tell you of what is considered America's past time. Our team, The "A" leaguers, are in first place...5 and 1 so far and the talk of the compound is everyone wanting to take us down a peg. We are the "Rangers" (of Texas ilk) in honor of my son's Dojo's favorite squad...never the Yankees! Rosemary's fave....mine of course being the indomitable Red Sox..which is the name of my "B" leaguers...we're 2 and 2...struggling for sure because I got me some gangbangers on the team that are having a hard time understanding and accepting coaching from a guy who looks suspiciously like either the Judge that sentenced them, or the cops that arrested them...but I'm working on winning their favor..might take a hot minute..but it's always in my periphery that perhaps I could win some to JESUS. And so I press on...helping me along this pathway are a few good men who want change too...accountability is one of the toughest accepting endeavors a CHRISTian will always face if true change is gonna come.

Okay my friends..I am praying for all...including family ties (not the sitcom for those reaching back that far..haha) Me...I'm gonna keep on hitting the ball and touching 'em all until they wheelchair me...

Until then...agape...Psalm 27...

later..dougie boy

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

I would blog to you all a lengthy dougie boy type message, but low on funds will keep me at bay for now. Soon though I'll send out something. In the meanwhile...HE IS RISEN! Yeah!

GOD bless you guys!

I'm alive and kicking here in prison...can't keep a good man down...and when you all find one...haha...Psalm 27 has been a good read for me lately...love to all...

later..dougie boy

The Painting...

I called my beloved sister, Patti-Sue, on Friday the 19th. She and her son Brett were over at Mom's house collecting up the stuff that still remained since her passing in December. Not wanting to talk due to...well just being amongst her Mom's stuff. Memories are a tough business in those circumstances. She talked briefly with me to let me know that the painting which was left to me in Mom's will was going over to her house to await my release from prison. At which time I can firmly affix it to my abode, wherever that may be. Couldn't say much more, I can tell when my sister is in her feelings about things..now if I can just corral that unique intuition when it comes to other women...well maybe I would be on to something.

Anyway we hung up, but not before (to his credit) my nephew Brett gets the phone and tells me he loves me and misses me. That is not said much to me so a special kudos to my man Brett.

I walk away from the phone thinking about the difficulties of what those situations I missed being a part of affect all the rest of the folks other than my self-centered universal on-going 'what about me?' thought processes that consume the best of us..and the worse. I decided to occupy the remainder of my ground hog day existence here in prison by diving into the softball field. We often escape to that which we feel most adept at in order to align the onus firmly laid upon the shoulder of an ill-fated destiny because of our choices.

I went out to the softball field on the rec move at 5 pm. Our field is a mess, but it's all we got. If we don't take care of it...and there's not a whole bunch of men in here wanting to honor what is given them in an American Federal prison. I tell guys who are chronic with their complaining, (and I can get there too..as a matter of fact I'm complaining about them complaining right now don't you think?) that if you were to get put in some third world country's prison system for about three hours, well your whole outlook about this place would change dramatically.

I grabbed a hard rake(it's got inch prongs to dig in to the field, which has been cut out of a mountain so mostly you're digging up shale and rocks) and proceeded to turn the whole infield over in my attempt to ease the pain of what my sister is dealing with, and what is going to be Mom's first posthumous birthday tomorrow the 20th. I went after it for 3 hours...only because "recall"...a term used to bring all the inmates back to the housing units at any given time...is always at 8:30. They want us in before the street lights come on. Sound familiar? Several inmates came up to the field to witness me (sure now they want to be a witness) toil away to the backbreaking labor of digging up this earth...so says our GOD in the book of Genesis (and Tara and Paul can attest to as well). I could've used some help, but they wanted to look and stare instead."Look at that idiot out there trying to do the whole field by himself..."

They didn't know what was happening as the wheels of that painting were etching its way across my mind. Once on the other side of the pitcher's mound I thought I could make it...my parents did a heck of a job in instilling a work ethic that'll never have a Gonier in the welfare line if he/she can put the deltoid to the grind. But time got the best of me (not punny) and I managed just a bit of...oh say...a 4 to 5 foot swath on the very back of the field undone. And I was too! As I lay in my bunk that night, nursing ye old sore back, the paradox of memory upon my conscious opened itself up to the pandora's box of recall, and try as I may I could not eradicate where that painting had come from.

I was eleven and we had just returned from a three year tour in Panama. All in the military will agree that when the head of the household goes out to the dutiful call of service, then the rest of the family comes along for the ride. We had the summer to spend in Massachusetts (all of our relatives live there). My uncle had a little league baseball team, and I tried out for the catcher's spot. Did a good enough job to make the all-star team, and since Dad had came back from wherever he was..Greenland, Panama, Grenada, Suez Canal...he sent for us all to come back to 'ole Virginny--Mommsy and Gumby(Dad) abdicated many years ago their New England roots. But the all-star game--which was a precursor to the Little League World Series if we won--was in a week. So everyone else went, but Mommsy and I stayed back to cater to...me. We ended up losing, but not after I hit a 4th inning homerun to tie the game. Mom was cheering as if I was her son or something.

After it was all said and done we packed up soon to be Patti-Sue's 1972 Chevy Nova and lit out for the homestead in Woodbridge, Va. My Mom had a real affinity for paintings of seascapes and surf spray beating on the rocks of the shore. She bought one right before we left. Since we believed it couldn't ride in the car with us, we got a roof rack with those little not very good gripping hooks that let the painting fly on the Delaware Turnpike--bouncing all over the road as cars took their chances of pummeling it into an oil spill of a thing. We pulled over (not an easy feat on a turnpike I can tell you), but Mom really loved that painting. And since I want to defend her at all costs (not many have gotten away with those "your momma" comments) she went into a frenzied panicked sending me out to... "get the painting! get the painting!...be careful!!" This thing is looking like Alladin's Carpet! The frame skittering across the multi-lane highway and picking up its own speed as cars swerve and duck their way by it or through it. I'm readying myself for a mad dash into the speeding onslaught of metallic thunder. Fortunately some of the pieces started making their way towards me as I did the double dare ya's to Detroit's finest. And then all of a sudden as if a big vacuum sucked all the cars off the planet, there were none for as far as I could see. I ran for it! Scooping and grabbing as much as I could till I heard off in the distance but closing fast the horns from hell! I was through for Mommsy then, but I got a bunch of what was once P. Ellinshaw's "Surf Spray". As I made my way to the car which now had Mom screaming at me for being "such an idiot and what in tarnation was I thinking?! Running out in the middle of the freeway like a crazy person! Are you okay Dwouck?"...I'm like ...my parents are psycho.

I didn't know the depth of Mom's love to find the perfect waves crashing upon the rocks fetish, but soon discovered it as she took what I rescued from the macadam madness and had it reduced from what was once a 5 foot long ocean scape during a storm, and had it cut down to about 2 and a half feet..the name tag still bearing the scratches from its perilous journey of its own into my clutches on that memory filled afternoon.

So as I lay in my cell that night, I had all that to think on because Mommsy won't go gently into the night...not for me....not for Patti-Sue....not for Big Bro...Dennisky..or Danny Boy....more on what else happened on that fateful journey shared by mother and son....I love you guys as much as I can. You all pass that along....JESUS Saves...pass that along too!

later...dougie boy

Side Note: I apologize for the delay in getting this posted for Doug...I thought I posted it when I first got it and just realized that I hadn't. So, I apologize for this being a few days late ~Tara (the one who posts these for Doug) 

Been locked down...

...again!

You would think we could get some act right in this camp--I think there is not enough plays on Broadway for this to happen. I would love to tell you the reasons why we were shut out further, to increment our social diffs, from all that is considered in this...this...prison environs. (Okay so I don't always turn a good phrase.)

As I have told you guys previously, I cell with two other men in 85 square feet. The man on top I call "the cicatrix dude"...translated "Scar"...way too many Al Pacino flicks, or real to his conviction of conspiracy to commit murder. He's on the last of a 20 year sentence. Be getting out shortly (hide the silver!). The other guy, "White Bred," so given this moniker because he's white and grew up in mostly black neighborhoods... "Wonder" must of been taken. We've been "cellies" for over three years now and know each other pretty good (you think?).  The whole lock down thing has been wearing upon us like a steel welded jacket that can't be sloughed off no matter the soddened state of the acidic and acerbic amongst us (I'm back in the "A's" in my Spike Lee search for oneness).

Well...things got a little hot over a spades game of cut-throat that we were playing to pass the time. What was I thinking? I'm playing a game called cut-throat with...well...cut-throats. But in acknowledgement to my own claim to fame, I am a convicted armed bank robber so I fit right in don't you think? However, we need to take into account that I am a bought-by-the-blood, born-again believer in JESUS...still though...I don't ever forget what manner of man I not only once was (1Corinthians 13) and can easily segue into on a daily basis if my proclivity to do so overwhelms my walk with HIM.

Meanwhile...which is indeed a mean while in the instances brought about through the various big boy games playing about men's minds that want control of things out of control to begin with. Such was the case when I won three games in a row. Looking back I could've let one of those guys win one, but sometimes I got this wicked spirit of competition dwelling within my members that war against...well common sense. Things got heated up as if a large microwave was set on high and dropped over us in such palpable fashion that well done would've been rare to those ignorant fools whom believe that this wicked spirit of competition lurks only in those not saved by HIS wonderful grace.

I have yet to disclose to you guys that although my family right privy to this...you need to be as well given the nature of said blogpost heretofore (really...who talks like this?) I was out there where the stoplights are a professional magician...yessiree. "Doug's Magic" was the name and my ex-wife (which, I might add, I take umbrage to saying that cursed "ex" part as if it were not so) would say that my best trick was disappearing from society (sense of humor she) Unbeknownst to some felon folk that cards were my forte--could even spin the deck to such a setting so that I receive all the aces and most of the spades (get out of town!). You wouldn't do that, would you? If you could? Just for funnsys?

So as I was saying, my three trumped up victories (pun intended for days on locked up days) were not well received within the 85 square footage where us mean folk can get...well...mean. Tell me if you can how to diffuse the conspiring  to murder and the dealing of danger wrought about over a silly card game. I've seen men get nixed for less. So I was kinda in a quandary of sorts. I had in my favor 230 pounds of wrestling behind me, but I am 52 so it is pretty far behind me. I have the old school appellate firmly and ineluctably tattooed on my head, and I had (I hoped anyway) White Bred in my court if it came to Scar and I tossing about the cell, but he lost too! SO it came down to the only alternative left..."LORD teach my hands to war"...a Psalm recited of that great warrior King David. I've drawn upon its canvas for strength I ain't got many times over and, as is the case most times, GOD steps in and handles it...if I really let HIM do so. I opted for it this time because (for real) I've seen enough violence in this life to avoid it at all costs. And so HE gave me HIS instructions to lie down and say nothing. Oh yeah...and quit playing cards during lockdowns. A simply effective remedy for me...for my cellies. And fortunately we were let out of the cell the very next day. That always brings about reconciliation of some ilk to those of us trying to add more time to our lengthy sentences by cracking each other's skulls on the concrete and steel.

Satan desires to sift you like wheat the Scripture tells Peter and he crouches at the door ready to pounce upon the unenlightened. He was trying that old crap on  me yesterday...and I was a step away from inviting that destruction on in. We all can do it..maybe not as severe as physical stuff like the aforementioned, but still we, as CHRISTians, will face off against this foe as if the NHL were our mainstay. Keep in mind however that the book of James warns us .."That every man is tempted when he is lead away by his own desire..."....that means more of me is responsible for my actions than Satan ever could be.

I love you guys! Keep pressing....Psalm 61...

later...dougie boy

My friends...

We just got off a lockdown...6 days in a cell with two other men. Fortunately the 2 others have done a lot of hard time as well, so it wasn't as difficult as it could be in here. You get into 85 square feet with bundles of humanity within (well within) the comfort space that gets even the best of us claustrophobic. Between the three of us we have 35 years of prison done, and close to 20 more left to do. Not woebegoneing it for sure...but weathering this storm can only be wrought in me by the STORM DRIVER. When in the past I have strayed from JESUS, HE checks me in the most uncomfortable and mostly harsh manner.

And it should be like that.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 tells me to "Learn hence to vow (I love that! Learn hence..sounds just right)and pay to the LORD our GOD, for HE has no pleasure in fools." How greatly would the Sanctuary of GOD be enriched and beautiful if all would in their places do their part towards it, by exemplary purity and devotion, extensive charity, and universal usefulness. In expounding of Scripture one passage must borrow light from another, reference if you will Matthew 5:15. The lights of the world, the lights of the Church, must shine as lights. Therefore we have light, that we may give light. Providence gains the same end in different ways, that we attend its motions with an implicit faith.

During this time I was engaged to study HIS WORD. I love being married to HIM.  It is within the bounty of HIS LOVE that I find this patience to endure. I am grateful beyond measure for it.

We were lockdown because there's men in here wanting to stage a compound refusal to eat lunch in order to bring attention to purported injustices done to living men complaining about being punished for their sins. And it was on chicken patty day of all things! I love me some chicken patties! So (and I can't make this stuff up) they banded into what is now a defunct "Coalition for Concerned Convicts" (I say defunct even though they got what they wanted) literally over a thousand men did not go to the chow hall at lunch. And that's what they thought they wanted (big assumptions often get trounced around here). They thought they would move the hierarchy of a Federal prison to "c'mon we're dying here with the air conditioning, ice machines, microwaves, 7 flat screen televisions, enough rec equipment to open 4 community centers, education out the wazoo (sans tuition and text costs) and of course chicken patties (did I mention that they come with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes...enough fixings to shame a Big Mac?) Well only about a handful of men went to eat--that now have to endure all kinds of ridicule for bucking the CCC.

Mid-way through this staged event...say around 1145...the Warden put the word out to lock us up. And she didn't even need a coalition! Within 30 minutes we were tight in our cells...without the chicken patty. Good sense of humor she has though because they fed us the exact same thing six days in a row...and still we ate better than about 2 billion people the world over. It truly pisses me off. Not the lock down. If there were legitimate concerns (that can happen in a place rife with trouble from that infamous jump street we all leapt out from to land us here), but the CCC had its goose cooked--pardon the fowl pun (that's a double pun isn't?)--because we ain't got nothing to complain about in a Federal prison in America!

I must say with an ineluctable stand for JESUS, that GOD is able as ever to supply HIS people with good things, even in their greatest straits and in the utmost failure of second chances. ALMIGHTY POWER can bring water from a rock, has done it, and can again, for HIS arm is not shortened. Those that are of a fretful discontented spirit-- perhaps your way is rough and uneven, or foul and dirty--will always find something or other to make them uneasy. I shant do it my friends! The best have their infirmities, and far more sometimes in the exercise of that grace for which they are most eminent. But GOD...I love that passage all by itself..."But GOD!"...can overlook such heedless, nay I say purposeful passion, and therefore we must not be too severe..."for those that would improve in knowledge must be made sensible of their ignorance."

Okay...I've been to school and back (in more ways then you can imagine) English 102...gotta write a bunch of essays in this class...who knows that it's my favorite one so far?! We got an assignment to read 5 stories and do a cause and effect essay on one of them. "The Prodigal Son" in Luke 15 is one of them...can GOD map out a life or what? I was so excited when the Professor gave out that one. We have several Muslims in our class, as well as some pros at Dungeons and Dragons..the game and the actions. I hope and pray that somebody else takes up the mantle of the awesome Luke story...pray with me on that, won't you?

We do a lot of discussion in our classroom about what we write. Half the class thinks I'm plagiarizing everything...I can't even spell it! The other half has been around me long enough to let me make it. A guy asked me if I would write his class work for him--a Muslim fella. I was tempted, but a big nix to that form of learning. It's what did me in to begin with...cutting corners. In telling him no I had to be gentle and wise...the same thing said and done with meekness may be justifiable which when said and done in anger or spite may produce in me a culpableness I ain't prepared to handle. Authentic CHRISTianity leaves an unforgettable impression on those who encounter it. CHRISTians are responsible for the enduring impact they make. Believe that.

Well my friends I must be getting this off to you. Once we were let out to our first hot meal in 6 days, I was greeted at the chow hall with a reheated up old chicken sandwich (as I was saying our warden's got her a grand sense of irony..I wonder if she's a writer?) But I did enjoy it nonetheless!

I pray for you all..always..all my friends up on this trailer of a send-off, as well your families because some of you are mine for real...and some by the TRUE VINE..love in a way hardly able to constrain..shed abroad in my heart...Psalm 119:63.

later..dougie boy...alive and kicking